Ads, Money and Even More heat

Well the married man and I are no longer. There was a simple rondavue. We talked. At first things were great. We got along well. Then his sense of failure as a husband was suddenly an issue. He didn't want to hold hands. He became distant and in the end, it came down to guilt on his part. I'm glad he made the right decision. I have no hard feelings. Plus he has a son close to my age. Don't worry, I already asked and No his son is not gay. There, I beat you to the punch.
Went on another date last Thursday. This one was exciting. He was sweet and very cute. We emailed back and forth for a while. Thursday I had the evening alone and I invited him over for some wine. He had to work Friday so just one bottle. Sad, I know. He was dressed like he worked somewhere that required him to dress like a fag. I was guessing Banana Republic but it turns out he's a case worker. I have to admit here, I am not good at first dates. I get nervous and I start to ramble. I talk about getting married and divorced in Spain or why I have never done adult films. You know, the things that make first dates awkward. He talked wryly about his job. His BMW. Here I will fully admit he did not spew off the normal crap about how great his car is. He just said he always wanted to have one and he works overtime.

I'm sitting there, feeling sorry that I have spent time in the slammer and do not really work that often when he tells me he has a 6 year old daughter. Super cute, right? I say wrong! It's baggage. It's unnatural for young people this day and age to procreate. You might say, well he's gay,is that what you mean? No. Lots of gay people have children. He's a young 26 year old gay man. I guess when he was 20 he was bisexual. I didn't care to ask. Hate me for dating married men with children then hating young men with 6 year old daughters. Hey...I saw this guy as long term material. The married guy, I wasn't so delusional so his children were mostly his baggage for me to never see. My mind has been working backwards lately.

In the end, it really didn't bother me. Its progressive in a way. He has his life together and I forget to feed my chihuahua. Deep down inside it's jealousy. The married man was great, because I can have what I want and feel good about myself for making others feel sinful and lustful and do sinful adulterous things. This guy, he's great. He's stable, his baby mamma and him are friends, great job, very good listener and funny. I hope he calls me. I got a great good night kiss and I promise to everyone reading this hear and now I was not drunk (we shared a bottle) when I kissed him good night. I got really drunk after he left. I swear. I doubt he'll call though. It's been 3 days and I'm most definitely not Gigi from "He's Just Not That Into You". I look at the cold hard facts. I smoke like a chimney, drink like a fish and have enough pharmaceuticals in me half the time I can start my own mexican pharmacy. But yet...I still have hope everybody. I think I do. It's been a long week. Wish me luck.

P.S. Sorry about the ads. It's a dog eat dog world out there and I'm just a squirrel trying to get a nut (hopefully 2, because one always looks lopsided).

Cheating, Married Men and Why is it so Goddam hot in here

As many of you know, I'm a former slut. I'm inclined to be reticent on the subject o my falls off the wagon but reticent is not who I am. I slip and fall of the chastity wagon every so often. I'm human, so sue me. Please don't actually. Married men is the term of the day. Most of my blogs happen due to arguments with friends. Some don't have blogs in order to espouse their side, so screw them. They should get their own blog. Anyway, talking to Melissa the other day, I told her this fantastic and extremely hot story that really did happen to me.
I was walking through Wal-mart. Already you know this story is full of surprises and pitfalls. Nothing good ever comes from being at that corporate hell hole. I was shopping for lean cuisines. I admit, I am getting hefty. Not noticeably but yesterday my stomach popped out from under my shirt. Also my belt broke at Dairy Queen while I was ordering a Hunger Buster. I took that as a sign. Normally at wal-mart i just get in, get out and go home. It's very much a casual relationship we have. I noticed this attractive man though while I was checking out the Kashi cereals. I glanced his way, pretty innocently. Perhaps my gaze was too long, but I paid no mind. I figured he would just walk on and be on his merry way. Suddenly I realized, he was following me throughout the store. Like pretending to be shopping in the same aisle, creepy type of following. I admit here, even though he's attractive, he was wearing cowboy boots but I forgave him because he wore great jeans and a tight blue button shirt that told me...he didn't need lean cuisine. Plus when you're feeling fat at wal-mart and someone thin and attractive hits on you, it's very flattering. More than flattering, it's fucking great.
Time passed on. He passed by me a couple of times but didn't say anything. I tried my best to be coy, but coy is yet another thing I am not. I think I blushed at one point and made a slight moaning sound (it's been a while, trust me). So as I finally gave in to my impulses, I walked by the ice cream aisle. Standing there contemplating and fighting demons, he passed by and simply whispered "Can I have your number?". He then kept walking very slyly. My heart dropped. It was all very exciting, and I shall explain. This man, my friends, was walking around with his 11 year old son, and a wedding band. In order for him to talk to me, he sent his son off to get milk or some other grocery item. Disgusting, I know. But I explain why I wasn't. I'm not married.
I walked off, my brain becoming more impulsive and lean cuisine seeming less and less appetizing. I walked off into the wine and beer aisle. My cravings became more sinful and married. I asked him if he had a paper or if he had his cell. He asked me if I was discreet and I said yes. He was a bit nervous, although for a married man to follow around a guy with his son and then ask for his number takes a lot of balls. He called me as I walked off. Told me he would love to hang out with me. That he really liked me. Thought I was hot. He has 3 kids mind you. 21, 12 and 11. He's 39 years old. A very fit 39 years old. He worked and lived in my neighborhood and said he was worried someone may find out. As we chatted over dirty pretty things, I stood in the checkout lane. As he passed by he winked at me. I could have melted.
Later, we met in some slightly secluded neighborhood. Nowhere unsafe, mind you. I'm not about to end up on the 10 o'clock news. We talked, kissed, he told me about himself and why he liked me. He told me his wife thought he was out buying some beer. I told him that nobody cared what I was doing. And there we were, two strangers in the night. He eventually tried holding my hand. An adolescent display of affection but I liked it. I don't know where I'm going with this. We parted ways. He said he would call and I figured, he has more to lose from any further "engagements" we may have so I left the ball in his court. I even removed his number from my phone book and call record. If he wants to call me, he can. I'm willing to see him again. Say what you will about me, I'm a very open person and he's the one cheating. A friend of mine judged me a little harshly and all I have to say is, "What am I doing wrong?". Nothing. Deal with it. Yay me!

And the next state to approve gay marriage is....Iowa?

In a court decision today, gay marriage was deemed legal and according to the state Supreme court, same-sex marriage is equal protection under the law. Yes, that is all great, but IOWA? I can't think of a city in Iowa. Not that I think it's great. I think it's wonderful, but IOWA? Sorry, I can't get over the shock. Progressive California overturns gay marriage and it's legal in IOWA? Sorry, I'm just trying to emphasize my point. Anyway, here is the link to New York Times article on IOWA legalizing gay marriage. Let's all sit and think about this. Red middle America is legalizing gay marriage. This is great, but all these "progressive" states really need to catch up. What's next? Montana? They used to kill gays there and they're probably closer to legalizing gay marriage than California and Washington. Come on blue states...get with the program!

Click here for the article

Horny Haberdasher Huffing Housepaint

Hello all. I hope you are having a great day. Now it's time to read my new posting on craig's list. I was bored, but I thought maybe I had a point to make, so enjoy.

WASP-Y

In an effort to be more honest and forthcoming about my life to whoever chooses to read this, I decided to be a little on the bloggy side. You know, blog when it's important. Today was a day like any other. I started blogging. I rewrote a research paper and made a presentation. I took my brother to work and promised to pick up his girlfriend later. Then things went disastrously south. Jason decided to come over and make up with me. Jason is fantastic. One of the few men in my life that really has an affect on me. His deep hazel eyes, his physique and the long friendship we've had are all things that make me melt like ice cream on a hot sidewalk. Jason is straight. I mean straight. Not like after a 6 pack, maybe I'm not straight, but straight. But he's my best friend.

We had this major fight a while back. I would say a week ago. I blew up and just got really angry. He's been spending less time with me. Never makes time to hang out with me and started hanging out with another friend of mine that I just plain don't like. This friend of mine is in love with him to start. He told me once. I warned him, Jason is no good. Well in the sense of a sexual relationship. Jason and I have a strange relationship. For the last 2 years he's the closest thing to a boyfriend I've had. We fight about dumb shit, we then make up, and the cycle continues. People expect us to be together at parties. I got a phone call once asking me if i was going to some party. When I answered no, he said "Oh well Jason was going. I figured you two were going together." And so the dysfunctional relationship comes out. I know, as a budding therapist and educated man that this relationship cannot be healthy. No man can live up to him and no woman can live up to me. Well, in theory it sounds true. He would never admit it. I'm just his best friend, but we are attached at the hip sometimes.

So he came over and asked me if I wanted to join him at the university and then we can get coffee. I admit, the last time we spoke I was way out of line. I don't tell people my feelings in a coherent or rational manner at times. A slight mistake turns into a huge brouhaha. I fully admit that. Not like gay drama queen, but emotional hemophiliac-ism. I'm bleeding dry the anger I'm feeling and mostly everyone just steps back and watches me go until I'm dry as a bone. Being the naive person I can be, I figured we would sit down and have a great conversation about my anger, his anger, whatever. Like if nothing had happened. Really. It was strange. You can tell he wanted to bring it up, but then it would seem too relationship-y, so the whole ignoring what happened just seemed way too WASP-y to me. I'm not a big fan of bottling emotions or avoiding conflicts. In fact, I'm quite the opposite. But again, I melt with him. It used to be sexual but now it's more about our friendship really. My lustful feelings have come and gone. Plus I know how much sex can change people or even the wanting of sex. It's probably why Colin Farrell hasn't called me back or my neighbour doesn't say hi anymore when he waters his lawn. We can look at each other well in the dark, but daylight just seems too bright, plus his wife is nosy.

I went along. For the sake of the relationship really. I don't plan on our friendship being the same as it was, but I'm glad it wasn't another bridge I burned. I love him too much. I mean that in the most platonic way possible. We just sat there and watched Kojak pretending everything was alright. He turned to me and said "You know Kojak..." and i just tuned him out. I nodded in agreement and everything seemed right in the world again. At least on the surface. It's WASP-y I know, but I can see why they avoid conflicts. It's so much easier for both parties. Ugh, i hate myself right now. Well, until the next time I blow up and Jason and I get into another fight, then maybe we'll discuss it. Keep your fingers crossed.